For my entire life growing up, I celebrated Kwanzaa, and no Christmas.
I now celebrate the festivity and fun of Xmas, but with the meaning of Kwanzaa.
Part of why I stopped totally celebrating Kwanzaa, is because, it was not a happy time in my life. Each night of Kwanzaa often ended with being ridiculed, comments about weight, etc. Kwanzaa has a beautiful meaning of togetherness, but my upbringing left a bad impression on me. Narcissism and toxicity were not even left out of the holiday season.
There is one particular memory I have, that I will not share. It became a family joke, because of my sad reaction, but no one questioned the verbal abuser who sparked the reaction.
Can you imagine being a child, and the person who secretly molests you, chooses to constantly publicly humiliate you calling you "stupid" and "fat"? Even at holiday time.
I think the laughter hurt most from my big brother, because he endured most of the same treatment as I.
I look at some of the guys I dated, who were aware of what I was a victim of as a child, and they didn't care. They would do awful things that trigger it. I am vocal about my dislike for porn/skanky celebs/sex scenes etc. I am vocal that I need to be nurtured and loved. And I am vocal about the molestation I went through as a child, and the rape as an adult. I really hope the guys I dated who mistreated have to deal with their mothers and sisters being tortured, so they can truly understand why it is important to respect women. Maybe they'll wake up then. But who knows, maybe they are molesters too? From the Bronx to Huron, South Dakota, to Minnesota. I have no faith in people, especially men.
Except one <3
Have you noticed, families and society in general, target the person who is provoked, but never stand up to the piece of shit who is the bully?
I hope you all had a Happy Kwanzaa. It took me this long to write about it. Be true to yourself and own up to your feelings.
Going forward, I will definitely never celebrate Kwanzaa, ever again.