I used to surround myself with "friends".
My main "friend", I'd realized I based the friendship on my relationship with my mother. A toxic, distant series of interactions. She was a bossy, negative, hateful friend. She was always in a secret competition with me and I did not know. I found this out when I got proposed to and a week or 2 later, she called me.
I answered, "Hello",
she replied, "I GOT MAH RING!".
She was selfish and rude. Like I said, she reminded me lots of my mother. I was so used to an abusive female relationship that it was easy to stick around thru the tantrums, disrespect and bitchy antics.
My other ex "friend" is someone who adapted onto my energy since the day we met. She used to make fun of the way I pronounced certain words, even the word, "water". She then began to emulate my speech. It got to the point that when she'd leave a message on the house phone, my parents became disgusted because each message, she'd sound more and more like me. It progressed into copying lipstick, etc. Then I dated and moved in with a white man. She did the same. This copy cat behavior stemmed over the span of about 20 years. If I say I had a good day at work, she had to have a GRRRRRREAT day at work!
My breaking point was when I'd finally opened up to her about the molestation I endured as a child and her response was: she THINKS she MAY have seen her father's penis. We never spoke again. The entire friendship, I could never have anything to myself without some sort of copying of my life. But when I realized even my trauma wasn't off limits to this Single Brown Female life emulating bullshit, I knew I had to let that friendship go. I thought she was my soul mate. I had such strong feelings for her. It is so unfortunate, because she and I have so much in common. But I can only help to wonder, is it because of who she is or who she pretended to be?
I love her more than I've ever loved any friend, but I shoulda let that relationship go a decade earlier.
Other "friends" were rotten as well. Low class, insecure, mean, put me in very fucked up situations, users, thieves, etc. I have learned that the same thing that attracts female friends to you will be also be the death of the friendship. Girls want to be around me because I'm full of life, energetic, beautiful, funny...but it also shows them what they lack.
I have had the same best friend since 2008 and have none of these issues. She has been positive, loving and supportive. Things that I am not used to in friendships.
Life is too short to waste