Whew, a topic that no one likes to talk about. It's almost as bad as Politics (which I will forever keep my thoughts to myself on).
Okay, so religion. I was basically raised Muslim, shocker, I know. But have been Atheist my entire life. I really don't understand how there could possibly be a God or "higher power", as so-called 'Spiritual' people like to say. This world would not have pedophiles, rapists, racists, murderers, etc., if there were truly someone/something, looking out for us.
With that being said, when I feel suicidal/depressed, I do read the Quran. I do pray, though for me, it is more like a form of meditation. And I do wear a lot of Islamic clothing from the Middle East. Especially, abayas. Modest Fashion is beautiful. It makes me feel beautiful and like a Queen.There is a whole movement on "Muslimah", "Muslimah Fashion", "Black Muslimah Excellence", etc. The more I dive into my disgusting childhood, the more it makes me uncomfortable to show my cleavage/curves. It's a daily conflict on my personal style, because I do love my body.I am learning it's okay to incorporate both. But maybe less showy, if you will, online.
I stopped going to the (Somali) Masjid because the other people there would tug at my hijab and ask where I'm from. Yes yall, at the Mosque. I got SO mad one time, I grabbed this woman's wrist and said, "AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!".
It was at that moment I figured I should stop attending the Masjid lolllll
I do have a love for Islam. It's a religion of peace but I think their followers need some sensitivity training. Ha! Even online, sometimes I post me covered up or reply to an Islamic Quotes post, and Muslims rip me to shreds. "Change your profile pic please". "Hi, your beauty is only for your mate". Etc.
Things like this is why I have a love-hate affair with Islam. I love the message of Islam, but don't enjoy the treatment I get. Muslims need to take their judgmental energy given towards people like me, who actually appreciate their religion, and give that shit to the people who think all Muslims are terrorists. How about that?
I have found that I am more accepted at the Arab/Middle Eastern Masjid. Go figure. Every time I am around Arabs, especially in NYC, they ask if I am part Arab. I say no. Then they comment on my skin/eyes/nose. Then they ask my name and if I have siblings. Both my brother and I have Arab names, so that doesn't help my case of not being part Arab teeheehee
They get sad and think I'm lying/ashamed. I would like to go on record in saying: if I am part Saudi Arabian/Palestinian/etc, I would be very proud. That is not something I would hide.
I will always live my life the way I see fit. I will do things that make me feel peaceful and diminish the stress in my life. If that means I sometimes follow the teachings of Allah, then so be it.
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